What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself—how much you value and appreciate who you are. It’s about believing in yourself and knowing you’re worthy of love and respect, regardless of your accomplishments or others’ opinions. Self-esteem is often used interchangeably with terms like self-worth, self-regard, and self-respect. It’s a subjective sense of your overall personal worth. It’s like a superpower that can help you navigate life’s challenges and achieve your goals. Self-esteem encompasses your beliefs about your abilities and limitations, your strengths and weaknesses. It shapes your identity, your sense of belonging, and your feelings of competence and security.
Table of Contents
Key Elements of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is a multifaceted concept that includes several key elements:
- Self-confidence: Trust in your abilities and judgment.
- Sense of security: Feeling safe and comfortable in your own skin.
- Identity: A clear understanding of who you are and what you value.
- Sense of belonging: Feeling connected to others and a part of something larger than yourself.
- Feeling of competence: Believing in your ability to handle life’s challenges and achieve your goals.
How does self-esteem relate to self-respect?
Self-esteem is similar to self-respect in that it involves valuing and honoring yourself. When you have high self-esteem, you respect yourself and believe that you deserve to be treated with respect by others.
The Building Blocks of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is made up of all the good things you see in yourself. It’s shaped by your thoughts, relationships, and experiences. Think of it as a collection of positive beliefs about yourself, your talents, and your value as a person.
Factors that Shape Self-Esteem
Many factors can influence your self-esteem throughout your life. Some of the most influential factors include:
- Experiences: Your successes and failures, the way others treat you, and the messages you receive from the world around you can all contribute to your sense of self-worth.
- Relationships: The people in your life, especially your friends and family, can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. Supportive relationships can boost your confidence, while negative people can bring you down.
- Culture: The values and beliefs of the society you live in can also play a role in shaping your self-esteem.
- Religion: Your religious or spiritual beliefs can influence your sense of self-worth and your place in the world.
- Societal Status: Your socioeconomic status and your position in society can affect how you perceive yourself.
Types and Ranges of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem exists on a spectrum. It can be high, low, or somewhere in between. It’s like a seesaw: too high, and you might be on one end, thinking you’re better than everyone else; too low, and you’re on the other end, feeling like you’re not good enough. We encourage striving for high self-esteem, that sweet spot in the middle where you feel good about yourself but also know your strengths and weaknesses.
High Self-Esteem: Believing in yourself and knowing you are a valuable addition to the world. People with high self-esteem recognize their weaknesses, but they also have a lot of strengths. These strengths shape who you are. They see the glass as half full. For example, Naomi is good at organization and planning, but she is not a great cook. When she needs to plan her friend’s birthday party, she can confidently organize it but asks Mike, a great cook, to handle the food.
Low Self-Esteem: Not believing in yourself and often comparing yourself to others, finding that you don’t measure up. People with low self-esteem tend to focus on their weaknesses and don’t spend enough time recognizing their strengths. They see the glass as half empty. For example, someone with low self-esteem might consistently downplay their achievements at work, attributing success to luck rather than their own abilities. They might also avoid social situations out of fear of judgment or rejection.
The Importance of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem affects nearly every aspect of your life. It impacts your relationships, emotional health, and overall well-being. It influences your motivation and your decision-making process. Healthy self-esteem helps you reach your goals, navigate life’s challenges, and maintain a positive outlook.
Impact and Benefits of Healthy Self-Esteem
Healthy self-esteem empowers you to do your best and maintain a positive outlook. It helps you:
- Set appropriate boundaries
- Maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and others
- Feel confident and assertive
- Be open to feedback and growth opportunities
- Free yourself from the need to conform
- Be realistic and resilient
- Reach your goals and navigate life effectively
The High Cost of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can have serious consequences, affecting your mental and emotional health, relationships, and overall quality of life. It can:
- Make it difficult to make decisions
- Increase dependence on others’ approval
- Lead to avoidance of risks and fear of failure
- Fuel self-criticism and disregard for compliments
- Increase the likelihood of unhealthy relationships
- Contribute to mental health disorders
- Increase the risk of suicidal thoughts
Potential Consequences of Excessive Self-Esteem
While healthy self-esteem is essential, having overly high self-esteem can also be problematic. People with excessive self-esteem may:
- Feel superior to others and express feelings of entitlement
- Overestimate their skills and abilities
- Struggle with relationship issues and social situations
- Be unable to accept criticism and block self-improvement
Low Self-Esteem and Mental Health
Low self-esteem can be both a symptom and a contributor to mental health disorders. Conditions like depression and anxiety can negatively affect self-esteem, and low self-esteem can make it more challenging to manage these conditions.
High Self-Esteem: Encouragement from Friends
Friends and family who support your self-esteem and recognize your strengths are invaluable. The world would be boring if everybody had the same strengths and weaknesses! For instance, Mike, who loves to decorate but can’t plan a party, wonders if Naomi can plan the party while he will make the food. The two friends recognize their own strengths and weaknesses and use them as an opportunity to help each other. This mutual support is an awesome way to build self-esteem.
The Seesaw Metaphor
Imagine self-esteem as a seesaw. High self-esteem is like being on one end of the seesaw, believing in yourself and knowing you’re a great addition to the world. Low self-esteem is like being on the other end, feeling you’re not good enough.
Factors that Influence Self-Esteem
Several things can affect your self-esteem, including:
- Unkind comments from others
- Not doing well on a test
- Experiences during your childhood and adolescence
- Growing up and facing new challenges
Self-Esteem Throughout Life
Self-esteem tends to be lowest in childhood and increases during adolescence and adulthood, eventually reaching a stable and enduring level, similar to the stability of personality traits.
Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem
You probably have healthy self-esteem if you:
- Avoid dwelling on past negative experiences
- Believe you are equal to everyone else
- Express your needs assertively
- Feel confident in your abilities
- Have a positive outlook on life
- Say no when you want to
- See and accept your overall strengths and weaknesses
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can manifest in various thought patterns:
- All-or-nothing thinking: Seeing things as either all good or all bad.
- Overgeneralization: Assuming one negative fact creates a general rule.
- Mental filtering: Focusing only on negative aspects.
- Converting positives into negatives: Disregarding positive aspects.
- Jumping to negative conclusions: Assuming the worst.
- Mistaking feelings for facts: Concluding that feelings are reality.
- Personalizing everything: Assuming negativity is about you.
Remember Your Worth
If you have low self-esteem, it’s important to remember that:
- You are a valuable addition to the world.
- You are good at many things, and these things will help make the world a better place.
- You don’t have to live with low self-esteem; you can start working toward getting high self-esteem.
Improving Low Self-Esteem
Improving self-esteem is a journey, and the college years are an ideal time to embark on it. Here are some ways to boost your self-esteem:
- Adjust negative thinking patterns: Search for shades of gray, view all evidence, seek positives, accept your strengths, separate feelings from facts, own only what’s yours, forgive yourself, take risks, encourage yourself, avoid comparisons, and use positive self-talk.
- Utilize positive affirmations: Positive affirmations can improve your self-esteem. Keep them in a handy, visible place, refer to them when feeling low, read them regularly, and add to them regularly.
Theories Related to Self-Esteem
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs places self-esteem as a fundamental human need. Maslow suggested that individuals need appreciation from others and inner self-respect to build esteem. These needs must be fulfilled for personal growth and self-actualization.
Experiences and Self-Esteem
Life experiences are thought to be the most important factor in shaping self-esteem. Experiences form the basis for our overall self-esteem. Unconditional positive regard from caregivers during childhood leads to healthy self-esteem.
Identifying Healthy Self-Esteem
Healthy self-esteem helps motivate you to reach goals, navigate life, and accomplish your aspirations. It enables you to set appropriate boundaries and maintain healthy relationships with yourself and others.
Taking Steps to Improve Self-Esteem
Even if some causes of low self-esteem, like genetic factors, early childhood experiences, and personality traits, can’t be changed, you can still take steps to feel more secure and valued. Remember that no one person is less worthy than the next. Keeping this in mind can help maintain healthy self-esteem.
Seeking Help for Suicidal Thoughts
If you’re having suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help immediately. You can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.
Differentiating Overly High Self-Esteem from Narcissism
Overly high self-esteem is often mislabeled as narcissism. While narcissistic traits may appear to have high self-esteem, their self-esteem can be high or low and is often unstable, constantly shifting depending on the situation.